Christmas.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and got everything you all wanted! You totally deserved to have a good time :)

Right, now for the update..

Christmas was surprisingly good. I was so anxious about the build up etc. I didn' t know if I was going to spent it at my mums, or my dads, or wherever. In the end, I decided to go up to my grandparents house with my mum, my step-dad and my brother. I was then anxious as to whether I could eat anything. I HATE eating in front of people, but I managed it! I ate quite well, which surprised me. I'm so proud of myself.
In the morning, I went to visit my nain in the old peoples home with my dad, my brother and my step-mum, then came home to get changed, then went to my grandparents for food. After we'd eaten and opened presents etc, I went down to my dads house with my brother. My step-mum was there along with my step-brother, and I met my step-mum's parents for the first time, which I was anxious about, but they are so nice! I had a great Christmas over all. I felt quite low in the evening, but picked myself up in the end! In the middle of all that my dad and step-mum got engaged, so soon she will officially be my step-mum, exciting times!

Boxing day was good too. We had my step siblings come over for a second Christmas! Everything was going well, until my 9 year old step-sister said 'I think I'm going to be sick.' We'd just eaten lunch, and she was fine, she had the whole Christmas dinner and loads of pudding. I went into a blown panic, obviously, but it turns out she wasn't sick and we think she'd just eaten way too much. After all that panic, things were good again. My step-dads parents came down and his brother, and we give the kids their presents, and spent the rest of the afternoon trying to work out how to play with their presents. Overall, it was another good day. 
Here's a few pictures from boxing day..

All of us, minus my brother who took the picture.

me and Tasha.

me and Alannah.

me and Tasha.

I hope you all have a great New Year, too. Stay safe. xx

Ohhh and Hello to my beautiful friend, Kirsty who wanted a mention ;)

I'm not ashamed.

Quite often I get messages off people on facebook asking me things like, why am I so open about my mental illnesses, why aren’t I keeping it a secret, why aren’t I ashamed of it.

Well, I’ve kept it a secret for years (I still do keep some stuff to myself), I used to make up excuses as to why I missed school, I wouldn’t tell anyone. It then came to a point, where I couldn’t keep making up excuses, I had to start being honest, especially when rumours started up about me. I think being honest is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Since then, I’ve had people come up to me and message me saying things like:

You’ve made me feel that I’m not alone.

I’ve been going through a similar thing, but I’ve never spoken to anyone about it.

I’ve even had messages saying that if it wasn’t for me persuading them to get help and to not be ashamed of feeling depressed etc, they would be dead.

These things mean so much to me. The fact, apparently, I’m helping other people by speaking up about mental illnesses is a big thing to me. So many people are ashamed of what they’re going through, and scared about being judged. It’s not fair. An illness is an illness whether it’s physical or mental. It should be nothing to be ashamed of, and you shouldn’t have to hide it.

I say to myself, that I didn’t ask for a mental illness, like the way people don’t ask to have a broken leg. People aren’t ashamed to have a broken leg, so why should I be ashamed to be mentally ill.

I just want to say a huge thank you, to all the people who have supported me through thick and thin, it means so much to me. If anyone has anything they’d like to discuss about this then feel free to send me a message. I felt alone for years, and I’d hate to see someone else feel like that.