Driving lesson

I don't think I mentioned in my last post, but a few weeks ago I had my first ever driving lesson. I wanted to start driving lessons when I turned 17, but my anxiety was always too bad at the thought of it so I never did it. Now, almost two years later, I have started my driving lessons! I'm enjoying it so much. I'm so glad I feel ready to do it. Natalie 1, anxiety 0!

Rant and therapy update.

I don't understand the mental health services. They say they want to help you yet if you don't do something within a certain time limit they assume you don't want help and will discharge you. Each person is different and each illness is different. Just because one person completes a goal in 3 weeks doesn't mean the next person will too. The next person might need 3 months. Giving someone an unrealistic time limit to complete goals is ridiculous. I don't understand! If someone brakes their leg for example, you don't see doctors saying well if it's not healed in 6 weeks we're taking your cast of and leaving you. I'm sick of being treated like shit by therapists and I'm sick of seeing other people being treated badly by therapists too. Everyone deserves a chance at recovery.. Whether it takes them 5 months for 5 years.

The reason for this little rant is, a few weeks ago, I had an appointment with my occupational therapist from the mental health service. He came to my house for this appointment so I made my mum come into the room with me because last time I saw him, he wasn't listening to a word I was saying. According to him I'd only been with CAMHS for 2 years... I told him it was more like 5 or 6 years but he said no... so this guy who had only met me twice suddenly knew more about my life than I did? errrr, I think not! It was like he was trying to cut out a HUGE chunk of my life and I wasn't happy. I felt like he was treating me like a child.. many more things happened in that appointment too, which I wasn't happy about.
This therapist wants me to go out and catch a bus with him. I haven't been on a bus for over 4 years so this would be a huge step.. and he wants me to get on a bus with him... a 45+ year old guy, who I've only met twice, who treats me like a child... I don't even trust this guy and he wants me to catch a bus with him.
I said there was no way I could do this yet.. so after a long debate, he said he would discharge me from the mental health services unless I catch a bus with him in the next 5 weeks. I'm sorry  but, how can I become to trust someone enough to go and do the most difficult thing ever in JUST 5 weeks? That seems so unrealistic.

Catching a bus seems like the easiest thing ever for a normal person.. but for me, it's so difficult.. like I can't explain..

I just don't understand how the mental health services can expect someone to just 'click' and be able to do something more or less over night. It's ridiculous and I just don't understand.
Worse than that, they are happy to discharge someone and leave them with no support when they are still battling an illness.. I just don't understand.
Anyway, after lots of tears and anger, he said he wouldn't discharge me, he would keep my case open and just pop into my house ever few weeks and see me... Where is that going to get me? Where is this support and help that I was promised? I can't just beat anxiety all by myself with no help or support.

I have had my emotions all over the place. The last bit of hope I had, has gone. I just don't know what to do.
I wanted to start college in September, but I just don't think I'll  be able to do it. I can't go and do something without any help or support.. I just can't do it.
After everything finally beginning to look up I just feel like I will never get anywhere again.. I'm just so confused and low about everything in general right now. I just hope I can pull myself back up out of all this.