so far..

ive only cut once today compared to yesterday:). although it was on my arm, so im stuck wearing jumpers for the next few days no matter what the weather is like which sucks. i regret it now. anyway..I'm full of cold, I'm down and generally feeling shitty.
on the plus side, the 5year old girl in the house behind mine, who is like my little sister, has been bullied at school, and she managed to tell me what was going on, which has made me feel better because i feel like someone can tell me things even though shes 11years younger haha :). hopefully that will get sorted cos i dont like her being upset.
I also feel like im loosing my big sister. its horrible. i feel like I'm letting her down and im scared incase i loose her :(
gah. life goes on.

What's the point

Anyone get the feeling 'whats the point of life?' I'm feeling it.

my brother loves me so much..

He's just come home from school, been in the house for 10 minutes, and hes already called me a cunt, bitch, slag thrown shoes at me and told me i need to go and shoot myself. Feeling the love.

More positive.

I am busy drawing butterflies on my legs ATM for the butterfly project. I wasnt going to do it as I think they will die, but I'm doing it anyway :)! I asked my mum to draw one on my wrist where I did ONE cut. And she went off on one saying how shes going to come home and find me dead if I cut there. Tried telling her that I don't cut my wrist anymore. I did it ONCE! but I wanted a butterfly there anyway. Ugh! And she doesn't seem to understand that I don't cut cos I want to kill myself!!! Anyway enough of ranting. Back to butterfly land then sleep! Night xooxo

Just me.

FUCK SHIT SHIT FUCK.

AGGH. 7:05am. Been awake about half an hour. Guess what? You got it, I feel sick. PANIC. PANIC. PANIC. I've had to wake my mum up she sat with me for 10mins. Been awake 30mins is. Caant describe how I feel. I want to die right now. PANIC.

faccck.

i went to my dads house just then..i went to see what state my room was in... and i walked in to find my old sick bowl on the floor...PANIC. i know it wont do anything to me, yet again, i still panicked.. it doesnt make sense..

FAIL.

i cut.. again.. its bleeding.. its sore when i cover it up.. thats life.. it felt better at the time.. now to try and stop it bleeding.. then try and sleep.. and hope tomorrow is a better day.. cos i cant cope with a day like this.. again.

FOOOD.

I hate hate hate the way I get an anxiety attack before I eat a main meal. ARGH, my roast dinner is almost ready, I feel sick, I feel dizzy, I feel like shit. I don't know why though. I'm shaking and im panicking. WHY! i want to be normal :(

day out to manchester.. PETER ANDRE

Today, I BEAT MY ANXIETY.
I woke up at 6:30..to get ready to leave for manchester at 8:00..i was SO anxious about travelling incase of travel sickness..but I did it.. I MET PETER ANDRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My life is now almost complete. I haven't had a good day like this in AGES! im so proud of myself for going and meeting him. and on top of that, I had food out too :D
over all a fab day :D
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2293978156513&set=a.1552072969347.77024.1460835855&type=1&theater


http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2293922075111.130591.1460835855&type=1


http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2293922995134&set=a.2293922075111.130591.1460835855&type=1&theater

depressed day.

Woke up when my brother was getting ready for school this morning, on a downer cos I wish I was going to school or college too. Stupidly I logged into facebook, and saw everyones statuses about them getting ready to start school or college again etc. That put me on even more of a downer.. I went back to sleep for a bit, and woke up at lunch time. I then sat in bed until about 3:00ish when i finally managed to find some strength to come downstairs for some lunch. I'm still on a downer now, and all I want is a hug and someone to talk to. I haven't spoken to anyone about how I feel today. I just hope I'm better tomorrow. Oh and to top it all off, the weather has been shit which always lowers my mood.

a step in the right direction I guess?

After all that feeling shitty when friend was over yesterday, I managed to pick myself up and enjoy myself. We chilled last night in front of the tv.. then made a cake today! she's been gone about an hour and a half now, and I can feel myself getting low. WHY?! I hate this :{

meeeeh.

My friend is over and im feeling like shit. shes staying tonight, and im so scared incase im going to be sick. its horrible :( ive hardly eaten today. i dont know if its because the weather has gone so cold, im over tired or not. i doubt i will be sick, but im more stressed out because there has been a bug going round. AAAAH.

life.